I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
