I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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