if you like me you must not know who I am
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
