i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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