Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
