There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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