If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
