and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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