Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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