Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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