dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize