i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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