Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
