Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
