You just made me feel so damn special
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize