Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
