If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
