I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
