Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
