He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
