1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
