I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I didn't notice because vodka
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
