If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
