ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
