i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
smell my finger.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
