somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
