I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
