Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
