U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
