i was rollin on her like bob the builder
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
