A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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