im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
