our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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