I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
two words...techno handjob
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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