five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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