Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
