is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
