You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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