so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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