Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
