i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
