if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
someone get that fucking seahorse.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
