I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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