Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
