His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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