Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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