No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize