I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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