Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
