take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Randomize
