You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
