9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
