The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
