THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
