Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
