If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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