I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
it's like iHOP with fire
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
