you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
