Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Randomize
