I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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