Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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