i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize