i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you will always have a special place in my vag
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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