If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just high enough for therapy.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
