dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
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