I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
