That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
