guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
