16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
