I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just found puke in my bra..
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
