You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
