i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
